Horrible Day

There is really only such a phrase for a day like today. Horrible, terrible, painful. Things began normally today, but when I joyfully got a phone call from Adam this morning, I decided I needed to go outside and feed Wookie as well. Outside at my Dad's house, Wookie and Nikita were being perfectly normal, Nikita was freaking out and snapping at Wookie. I guess it got too much and Wookie flattened her. I, of course, pulled Wookie off and put her in her kennel. Nikita was just laying there on the patio, not really moving, but twitching. I thought she just got freaked out, but then she didn't get up. I called the vet that I take Wookie to in Hurst, wrapped her in a towel (I don't know why I got a towel) and took off to the vet. She made no movement, no noise, and I couldn't tell if she was breathing anymore. I couldn't help bawling the entire way because I knew it wasn't good.

The vet, after being in back with Nikita for about 15 minutes, finally told me that she had passed on. A broken neck, most likely because she was 10 lbs and Wookie is 50. My dad's tiny little annoying dog, but she was his friend. I still can not think about it without crying. I'm soaking my laptop as I type even know, 12 hours after the fact. I know Wookie didn't mean to cause her harm, but I still cannot help but keep a distance from her now, and she knows this. The entire 3 hour drive today, instead of sleeping like normal, Wookie simply looked out the window, and occasionally whimpered.

When I called my Dad and told him, I think it made it harder that he was understanding. He tells me its alright, he knows it was an accident, try not to let it get to me. I do not know what I would do if the situation were reversed, but based on the amount of crying I have done for Nikita today, I would be absolutely useless. I know, you think that this is just over a dog, but that's not how it works in my family. Our dogs are part of us. A true family member that makes the hard times easier. When you are in the throws of depression, they are a reason to get out of bed, even if all it is for is to feed them and let them go outside. Wookie saved my sanity when I was in Wichita Falls before I met Adam, and through him many friends including Thad and Augusta. I hope that soon I'll be able to look at my baby and not think about today, not think about what happened and how it should have been different.

Driving back to Lawton for the last time today, I wondered, would getting my Dad a puppy make it easier for him? Or is this just an attempt to make me feel better about what happened? I don't know, but I certainly wish I knew how to remove this guilt and pain.

Rest In Peace Nikita, I am so sorry for this loss.